"OK", you tell yourself, "I have a few minutes to spare. I'll make it quick."
You sign on real quick and grab your paper towels. No one is home and it's quiet. Perfect! You already have your favorite picture or 2 minute clip or whatever. It's the one with the perfect girl, her body is just right, her ass is just right, her legs just right, the face she made during the money shot was just right. The way her body was positioned, the way her titties bounced, her hair is just right, her legs were bent at the right angle, and she even kept the heels on (or maybe one shoe fell off, now that's hot). You spent hours just yesterday searching dozens of sites before you climaxed and you knew you had to save this video clip or picture as a favorite. So now, in the final few minutes before you leave for work, you can go right back to your favorite for a quickie.
So now you're rubbing away and it's almost like you're right there in the clip with her...but...your mind starts to wonder. "What if there's a new clip since yesterday? A better one." OK, so you gotta check real quick and then you'll go right back to your favorite. Or will you? So you're browsing through clips and videos and pictures, and stories, etc. 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes have gone by. You keep starting over your 1-2 motion and stopping for a new girl because you're just not satisfied. This one's too fat, this one's too skinny, Her nipples are too big, I don't like her hair, I don't like her face, why didn't this one take her bra off?, this one got naked too fast and it's a turnoff, You finally find that girl who really isnt that attractive but she's dirty and slutty and it's a turn on. You're about to bust a nut and then you stop. "I'm better than this.", you tell yourself. So you look around for another candidate. Shit! Now you're late for work. But it doesn't really matter because somehow you've convinced yourself that after all this time you've wasted looking for the perfect jerk, you CANNOT go to work without finishing. You can't! You'll be miserable the whole time. "I'll just drive faster today", you tell yourself. This is frustrating and at this point you need to make a decision. You zero in on her and rub one out quick. So you settle for the fat bitch with the missing tooth and crank one out. You feel jipped, and somehow, YOU'RE disgusted with yourself. This should have taken 5 minutes tops. You ran out of time and so you jerked off to something you're not proud of. Damn the internet. Damn the technology. Damn the convenience.



This is why the internet has ruined porn. Back in the day, we were grateful for a magazine page. And it would last several sessions.

Road Signs

There are set rules that we all have to follow in life. Generally there are laws that are set into place to keep order and I guess understanding over society. For Example, we have the Traffic light. They are a simple, with basic instructions. For example, Green would mean (Go), Yellow (Slow Down), and of course Red (Stop). Simple in theory and effective in the nature in which it is used. Traffic lights, however effective they are, have flaws. You are probably wondering how traffic lights are relevant, in anyway, to this site. Let me answer that by saying this, WOMEN!!.. like the traffic light, their rules are not written in stone, and tend to make the simple rules into a complicated guessing game. Now the simple green no longer just means go, it means you have permission to cross but you still have to keep an eye open for on coming traffic. Yellow to some can mean slow down, take caution and get ready to stop (the light is going to turn red any second now); to others however it may mean drive a little faster, you have only seconds to cross before the light turns red. And red, when many may want you to stop dead in your tracks, others may want you to force your way through, try harder, get over the obstacles and risk everything. How does this in any capacity relate to women you ask? Well think of it this way. The cars on the streets would be us, men. We are governed by the rules and regulations that the Cops set forth. The Cops would be the women, they are the upholders of the law. They determine just how strict and/or flexible they are in regulating the law. So that would leave the Lights. And if you have not guessed it the lights are the emotions of women. They are laws, guidelines to follow if you dare tread on their territory. I can imagine you probably have some sort of "lost in the headlights" kind of look on your face; wondering what the fuck we are talking about. So let me just simplify it for you a bit. Women are fucking complicated, so guys stop trying so damn hard to figure them out. Because when you think you have cracked the code, the rules change and you are lost once more.

The Answer

We at Owakinatalk, after intense analysis (to be exact 3 seconds of thinking), have concluded that the 3rd Bitch in fact would probably be the third girl. Now we know what you are all thinking that the blond would be the most likely candidate; and if appearance was the only factor in identifying the 3rd you would be right. But in this instant we are going with the one on the right.

*Reasons*
1. The one in the middle seems to be a really friendly person. She probably tends to get most of the attention because she is a good looking girl, but besides that her smile if very welcoming. She seems genuinely nice and happy.

2. The blond on the other hand is not that lucky with looks. She is not as pretty as her two friends, however, something else seems to attract the men in her direction. She has that "I would so suck your dick" look. We know it is wrong to judge a book by its cover but in all honesty if we were at a club looking for a easy target she would be the one to go to. This makes the blond a "sure thing".

3. The thrid girl, who is indeed pretty would be the perfect 3rd Bitch. Unlike the other two she seems to be lacking confidence of sort. If her smile is any indication of what is to come, then please we rather stay away. Her smile seems forced, as if she is saying to herself, "shit here we go again, another night of this bullshit". This, in owa eyes, comes out in the picture. And if we see this in a picture, sure would see it in person.

So the Third Bitch is indeed The 3rd Bitch.

3rd Bitch Test.

Whats good people, we thought it would be good to have a little test. Why don't we just call it the 3rd Bitch test. We want you to try to identify the 3rd in this image. Now remember the 3rd is not always the one you expect. Guys think of this test as training. Help you hone in your skills for real life situations when out hunting. And ladies think of this as a learning a experience, a lesson in how not to look and or act like the 3rd. Enjoy

*NOTE* Click on the picture to view in its entirety...

The Third Bitch Rule

3rd Bitch: (n.) whenever there are 3 women, there will always be an ugliest one. Even if there is uncertainty which is the best looking one, even if each of them ARE attractive, it will usually be clear which the worst looking one is. She will feel insecure and threatened. This individual is called the third bitch. The third bitch is fully aware that she is the ugliest one and has already given up on all hope and sportsmanship. If she is not going to get any play, then neither are her friends. She is fully convinced that any man making an attempt to talk to her will be either done as a distraction or out of pity, so the third bitch will do everything possible to destroy any efforts by men to talk to her friends...even if they start with her. The third bitch can usually be identified very easily but in case you are blind, the third bitch will have a bitchy attitude from the start. She will usually be the one who is in a rush to leave to go somewhere...even if its home.

Wanna learn more? Look out for the book in Fall 2009...and Get Excited!

I would like to welcome everyone to the first ever blog by the "Owakinatalk" crew. Welcome, and thank you for visiting. This blog is very simple. Mostly it is us just discussing topics that come up quite often between guys(so we like to think anyway). We want to open the door to the locker room and let people in to hear the conversations that go on between guys while we think we are alone. It gets very graphic at times, and to some degrading, but we want to deliver everything with no censor and hold no punches. * This little note is for you men that decide to follow our blog, we caution you to be careful. There will be severe backlash from your significant other. So save yourself the trouble of a fight or what women like to call, the "I need to talk" conversation. Have a raunchy porn site minimized for emergencies, trust us it is much easier to explain when or if you get caught(trust me we are dumbasses); we always get caught.* And for the women who wish to read, I hope you will continue to do so and discover what us men really think of you women.

And of course, please do not be shy. Share with us your thoughts and comments, both positive and negative, we welcome all.